Evil Brisket

On May 16, 2014, in Recipes, by Hart Deer
Evil Brisket by Sanju Padole



1 (one) brisket
Juice of 1 (one) lemon
1/3 cup of soy sauce
1 (one) onion, chopped
5 garlic cloves, crushed
Black pepper
1 and 1/2 cups of Southern Comfort


3 chopped peaches
1 (one) chopped shallot
2 tbsp of chopped ginger
4 finely chopped Thai chili peppers
2 ounces of white wine
2 more ounces of soy sauce
1 tsp of horseradish
2 tbsp of butter


Put the lemon juice, 1/3 cup of soy sauce, chopped onion, and
crushed garlic cloves into a big bowl.  Sprinkle in some pepper
to taste and stir it all up-- this is your marinade.  Next, put
a stove burner on high heat, preheat a pan, pour the Southern
Comfort into the preheated pan, set the Southern Comfort on
fire, slosh the flaming Southern Comfort around for a few seconds,
then blow out the fire.  Pour the Southern Comfort into the
marinade.  (Skip the lighting things on fire part if you aren't
100% sure you can do it safely.  In fact, for legal reasons, let's
just assume I was kidding about the fire in the first place.
Don't do it, you can't handle it.)  Place the brisket in a pan
deep enough to handle an overflow of marinade and evenly pour
the marinade all over the brisket.  Place the brisket in the
refrigerator and let it soak for at least six hours, or better
yet, overnight.  Once the brisket has marinated to your
satisfaction, preheat the oven to 350 and put the brisket in for
one hour.  Turn the heat down to 300 and let the brisket cook
for three more hours.  Next, preheat a pan on a stove burner on
low heat to prepare for making the glaze.  Put the butter, chili
peppers, shallot, and ginger into the pan and stir for two
minutes.  Add the white wine, horseradish, and peaches to the
pan and stir for a few minutes until the peaches have softened.
Pour the contents of the pan and the remaining 2 ounces of soy
sauce into a blender.  Puree the glaze.  Preheat a grill.  Take
the brisket out of the oven, but the brisket on the hot grill,
baste the brisket evenly with the glaze, and let the brisket
sit on the grill until the glaze caramelizes (turns brown). 
The caramelizing should only take a few minutes, maybe much
less, so keep an eye on it.  Serve immediately!

Southern Style Cornbread

On May 16, 2014, in Recipes, by Hart Deer
Southern Style Cornbread by Sanju Padole


2 cups self-rising cornmeal
1/2 cup of self-rising flour
2 eggs
1/2 cup of sour cream
2 tbsp of bacon drippings
2 shots Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey


Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Put the flour and
cornmeal into a big bowl and stir it all up. Then take out
another big bowl into which you put the eggs, sour cream,
bacon drippings, and whiskey, and stir that up too. Dump
the two big bowls into an even bigger bowl and stir it all
up together. Pour the contents into a baking pan.  Put the
pan in the preheated oven and bake for 15 to 20 minutes,
until the crust is golden brown. Serve immediately!

Booty Brownies

On October 1, 2011, in Recipes, by Hart Deer
Booty Brownies by Sanju Padole


1 oz semisweet chocolate
8oz bittersweet chocolate
6oz butter
1/3 cup oil
2 oz brown sugar
7 oz white sugar
4 eggs
1tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp frangelico
1oz cocoa
2.5oz honey
3oz flour
4oz nuts


Melt butter and chocolate together in a double boiler or microwave until
just melted. Then add the sugar, eggs, frangelico, vanilla and honey
until just mixed. Mix in oil, cocoa, flour and nuts. Bake at 325 degrees
for 45 minutes.

Please note when mixing not to use a whisk or overwhip, you want a dense,
fudgey brownie, not a cakelike one.

For my brownies I use some pretty high end chocolate produced in Spain,
it has a 68% cocoa solid content and a very complex flavor that really
blooms in the mouth.

This is a dish where you must use the finest and most exotic chocolate
available, common brands like Lindt and Ghiradelli, decent chocolates as
they are, just will not cut it. I also have a special vanilla extract
that I made from vanilla beans from Indonesia which are no longer
available since the tsunami devastated the region many years ago. I
preserved them in vodka and kept it sealed in a cool dark place for
about 2 years before I started using it. It has a powerful and robust
aroma unlike any other exract!

Also, be sure to use a neutral oil if you can't get a hold of peanut oil.
I use it because it is a very balanced and stable oil.

Sweet Ice Tea

On October 1, 2011, in Recipes, by Hart Deer
Sweet Ice Tea by Sanju Padole


1 (one) gallon of boiling water in a pot
5 family sized bags of Luzianne tea
2 cups of sugar


Put the tea bags and sugar into the pot of boiling water and stir. Take the pot off the heat and let it cool to room
temperature.  Put the pot in the refrigerator.  Let the pot chill
for two hours and then pour the tea into a pitcher.  Keep the
pitcher in the refrigerator and serve at your leisure.

Balsamic Bacon Salad

On October 1, 2011, in Recipes, by Hart Deer
Balsamic Bacon Salad by Sanju Padole


1 (one) lb of spring mix
1 (one) ounce of peach nectar
3 ounces of balsamic vinegar
Juice of 1/2 a lemon
10 ounces of extra virgin olive oil
1 (one) tsp of mustard
1 (one) pack of bacon, cooked
Romano cheese


Put the peach nectar, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, olive oil,
and mustard into a mason jar.  Sprinkle in some salt and pepper
to taste.  Shake the mason jar violently for several seconds to
create salad dressing.  Gently pour the dressing over the
spring mix.  Chop up the cooked bacon and sprinkle the chopped
bacon on top of the salad.  Grate some Romano cheese over the
salad too.  Serve immediately!

Coming Soon… The Evil Chef!!

On September 4, 2011, in The Evil Chef, by Hart Deer

Here as a teaser trailer are the opening credits of the soon-to-be-released pilot episode of The Evil Chef!

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Wine Tasting Review: Tiger Mountain Vineyards

On September 2, 2011, in Wine Time, by Hart Deer

If you think you could ever enjoy wine tasting… Go to Tiger Mountain Vineyards.   Everything you could want in a wine tasting is there.  $5 gets you a generous selection of wines, about a dozen or so.  You also get free unlimited fruit, cheese, and bread, and they aren’t the cheap stuff.  Delicious fresh goat cheese from the farm with dill was the cheese hi-light of my own excursion.  Go on a Saturday and there will probably be a live Irish folk or bluegrass band jamming away in the corner.


Tiger Mountain sign


The main reason to go is the wines themselves.  Tiger Mountain produces bold, experimental concepts in wine that seem completely crazy, but gosh darn it, they work.  A white wine that’s actually super smokey.  Red wines made from late grapes with earthy undertones of berries that are still dry, rich, and meaty.  A dessert white wine made with no sugar other than what’s in the grape that’s so sweet it’s like candy, yet gentle to the tongue and vibrant.  A dry sparkling white wine made with flowers that actually tastes like a bouquet of wild flowers smells.  They mix the wines up season to season and are always trying new things, but some of my favorites that they always have are the Rabun Red and the the Mountain Cyn.


The Venue


The Rabun Red is a precise blend of four of their pure reds with some slight hints of fruit, and despite the fruit, the flavor is actually savory, spicy, and full.  The  Rabun Red is designed primarily for Italian dishes as I understand, but the flavor is so subtle and complex that I’d take it by itself, take small sips, throw it to the back of the palette, and swoosh it around.  Good stuff.


Rabun Red


The Mountain Cyn is a more serious wine.  It’s made from one grape, the flavor is bold and forward, and really it just kicks your mouth’s ass.  You taste it and you say, “Wow, that’s aggressive.”  Then, the aftertaste kicks in.  The aroma flows up from your mouth into your nostrils.  You feel something in your mouth that’s like sitting in front of a fire in a log cabin on a snowy mountain day.  Then you pick up your glass, smile at the audacious creation, and say, “Thank you sir, may I have another?”


Winter at Tiger Mountain


Tiger Mountain Vineyards has a quaint, colorful, local small town charm.  The atmosphere combined with the extraordinary wine tasting is guaranteed to make any bitch think you’re much deeper and more sophisticated than you really are, and that’s what wine tastings are all about.  $5 to make a bitch fawn is pretty darn cheap in our crushing inflationary times.




You can check out Tiger Mountain Vineyards online at:


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Steak Dinner Masterpiece

On March 18, 2011, in Food Wins, by Hart Deer

I’d like to thank Chef Sanju for generously letting me post on the Amazing Food Circus.  At least, I’d like to thank him for generously leaving the admin site open on his desktop and generously leaving his firewall open.

So, to celebrate my mom’s birthday, I had my parents over and made them a steak dinner.  The adventure started out normally but would soon take a turn for the bizarrely awesome.  Here are my parents, by the way.


Mom and Dad

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Preparations for my magnum opus de la impresionante of a steak dinner began yesterday.  I got a Porterhouse steak for Mom and me.  I gave her the tenderloin, and I took the strip.  I got Dad a New York Strip, and I also got a New York Strip for my marvelous Sous-Chef Victoria Hornbeck.

Here is the Porterhouse.



Here is Dad’s New York Strip.


Dad's Steak Raw Dad's Steak Raw 2


Victoria wanted her meat au naturel, so she got no marinade.  As for the other two steaks, first I tenderized them with a fork on both sides, then I pressed a layer of Emeril Rub and a layer of minced garlic into each side, top and bottom.


Seasoned New York Strip Seasoned Porterhouse


This set me down a path to blaspheme the high arts of cookery in the most brazen way… but I’m getting ahead of myself.  For now, suffice to say, I am employing the marination technique of Jason Guest.  Jason Guest’s culinary career has been in the greasy blackened pits of an American roadhouse.  Just keep that in mind for now; it’s important later.  Anyway, back to the meal preparation.

After seasoning the steaks, I submerged them in baths of half soy sauce, half Merlot.  The steaks were then sealed in their containers to marinate in the refrigerator for a day.


Marinating New York Strip Marinating Porterhouse


The Merlot is a Livingston, nature’s cheapest and boldest wine.  The Snooki of wines.  The flavor is extremely dry and austere (unlike Snooki).  It cleanses the palette well, and it pairs perfectly with the marinade, so I served everyone a glass with the meal.




Next I went for the mashed potatoes.  I scrubbed and cut the eyes off of five pounds of red potatoes and put them in a pot to boil for like an hour.  Tedious!


Boiling Potatoes


While waiting, since I had nothing better to do, I chopped up a red onion and submerged it in a bath of orange juice to marinate in the fridge for a day together with its brothers, the noble steaks.


Marinating Onions


Finally, the stupid potatoes got soft and yielding to my fork, so I mashed them to smithereens with great prejudice.


Freshly Mashed Potatoes


To enhance the flavor, I sautéed two of the unboiled potatoes in butter for ten minutes.


Sautéed Potatoes


Then I dumped the used butter and the sautéed potatoes– or “sautatoes” as I like to call them– into the mash.  I added one cup of milk to that and stirred it in.  Finally, I completed the mashed potatoes by adding seasoned salt, freshly ground black pepper, freshly chopped chives, garlic powder, and Worchester sauce.  Repeated gradual taste tests eventually yielded the perfect combination.


Mashed Potatoes


The mashed potatoes went into the fridge, and all was ready for the next day.

The next day started by taking the steaks out of the fridge to warm up for an hour before cooking.  Then I preheated the oven to 175 degrees and stuck some plates in there.


Pre-Heated Plates


Then I preheated all the skillets to medium.  I didn’t even use the front right burner, but I still preheated a skillet on it.  That’s just how I roll.  Don’t hate.


Pre-Heated Skillets


Now at last it was time to do my epic win and COOK THE STEAKS!  Are you sitting down?  Are you totally ready to have your mind blown and put back together and blown up again?  Alright…

First, some background for you non-chef types out there (like me).  The macdaddy supreme gangster overlord of all chefs is widely considered to be a man by the name of Alain Ducasse.  Don’t let the girly name fool you.  Ducasse is anything but a girl.  He has the Eiffel Tower restaurant and others, all of which always get the coveted three Michelin stars, which means the guy is really, really, really, really good.  I mean, like, wow.

Mr. Ducasse has his peculiar French way of doing everything.  One such thing is cooking steaks.  Ducasse does not like to grill, sear, or char his steaks at all, ever, period.  He thinks it ruins the flavor.  Certainly, “carbonizing the meat” (as he calls it) would totally destroy what Ducasse is going for.  As a corollary, Ducasse uses relatively low temperatures to cook his steaks.  Ducasse’s steak method produces the most highly acclaimed steaks in the world.  He’s doing something right.

Now, here’s the thing.  Ducasse is also a steak purist.  He will not touch his steak with even so much as pepper, for he wants to celebrate the steak’s natural flavor.  This is exactly where I rock your world with my amazing innovation.  As you see above, I marinate the ever loving hell out of my steaks, and then… I still use Ducasse’s method to cook them!  Woah!  Think about it, it’ll blow your mind.  Jason Guest.  Alain Ducasse.  Two opposing culinary philosophies… until… boom!  I bring them together in a head-on full frontal collision.  It’s like a total 180 from the way anyone has ever approached it!  It’s radical, and let me tell you friends, it works.  It works darn well.  On this particular occasion, Victoria was with Ducasse and did not want her meat molested, so I ended up making at least one steak “the right way” and I have a basis for comparison… more on that later.

Okay, so here’s what I did.  First, I put each steak a on each edge for several seconds to a minute or so per edge in a preheated pan.  This was to liquefy a little of the fat into the pan and make a nice brown crust on each edge.  The fattiest edge got the most time for each steak.  This initial part of the steak cooking process is called “activating the meat” because chefs want to pretend that they are super cool edgy machinist rebels.


Activating the Meat


Next, I put two tablespoons of butter into each pan and set each steak down on one of its two flat sides for ten minutes each.   This ten minutes is nerve racking.  The butter makes all kinds of crazy sizzling sounds and you just want to lift up the meat to make sure it’s not burning.  Don’t do it!  If you touch the meat at this critical phase, all the juices will leak out and your steak will be ruined!  Besides, the ten minutes is a very precise interval to achieve what the French call “brun beurre” which means “brown butter”.  The butter browns and in so doing creates the “Maillard reaction”.  The butter imparts its richest flavor to the meat, caramelizes the meat’s surface, and deeply soaks into the meat that rich, caramelized, buttery flavor.  It’s great stuff.  This is the subtle flavor for which Ducasse denounces “carbonizing” with the intense fury of a floppy French dragon.


Cooking the First Side


See that nice rich brown color to the butter?  That’s magic working.  Pure magic.  After ten minutes of magic, you dump and totally clear out all the used butter.  More than ten minutes will burn the butter, impart burnt flavor, and thus destroy all semblance of subtlety.  Ditch the old butter, put in two tablespoons of new butter for each steak, and cook the other flat side for ten minutes.  You can also use a spoon to take the butter dribbling out from under the cooking steaks and drizzle it on top of the steaks as a baste.  That’s what I did.


Cooking the Second Side


Hell yes.  After cooking the second side, I complete the Ducasse method by putting the cooked steaks onto the preheated plates in the oven and leaving the meat to rest for 15 minutes.  Allowing the meat to rest locks the juices deep into the meat and make the meat moist, juicy, and delicious.

While all this was going on, I set the dinner table, poured everyone a glass of lemon La Croix sparkling water and a glass of Livingston Merlot, and Victoria prepared the salad and mashed potatoes.  For the salad, I handed her the marinated onions, wild field greens with spinach, walnuts, a grinder full of black pepper, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar; and told her to go nuts.  For the mashed potatoes, I had her heat them in the microwave and then sprinkle some shredded Mexican cheese on top.  Victoria assures me I was enough of a food Nazi about the whole thing that I could have been a real chef.

Once the meat rested, I took it out and carved Mom’s tenderloin fillet and my loin strip off the bone; that’s why my plate has a good bit of juice on it.  Doesn’t matter; the meat held in the vast majority of the juice and rocked out.  The perfect steak dinner was served:


The Dinner Table


My steak was utterly delicious.  Notice the nice smooth transition between the the brown outer layers and the pink interior, and the perfectly caramelized crust.


Hart's Steak


Dad’s steak was the most hard fought.  I barely got it off its brown butter in time!  When I tried a bite, thankfully his steak had no hint of carbon.  It was all caramel, baby.  The darkness of the surface represents the absolute most you can get away with and still call this method successful.  (The darkest bits are actually the garlic.)


Dad's Steak


Mom had the best quality meat, and I could tell.  I tried a bite… the meat was so tender and delicious.  If I did this over again and I had the means to get nothing but Porterhouse tenderloin fillets for everyone, I’d surely do it.


Mom's Steak


Finally, we come to Victoria’s steak, the only steak done in the official proper way of Ducasse.  I will say that the meaty flavor of the meat, and its quirky beefy flavors, did come out much more strongly.  However, personally, I greatly prefer the taste of the marinated meat.  I can’t even describe how deliciously the caramelizing from the brown butter melds with the marinade and meat flavors.  Dad was raised in Texas and he agrees, and hey, you can’t argue with Texas.  Not about steaks.  Not about anything really, but especially steaks.  Also, the marinade super moistens the meat and heat is much more thoroughly and evenly distributed throughout the cooking process.  If you like your steak closer to rare, I guess it wouldn’t be for you, but hey, the centers of my marinated blasphemy steaks are still rich, pink, and tender.  I think it’s the best of all worlds.  The transition from the center to the outside of a marinated blasphemy steak is just perfect– no gray, no awkward discontinuity of texture, a seamless and gradual change.  However, if it’s just not for you, this is Victoria’s steak.


Victoria's Steak


She did make it bleed more than it normally would, because she is after all a savage predator.

The secondary elements of the meal perfectly complimented the steak.  The wine actually tasted good after the bold, deep flavors of the steak, and refreshed the palette for another go.  When wine wasn’t enough, the lemon La Croix completely wipes all traces of everything from the tongue.  The mashed potatoes had been exciting the night before when I sampled them alone, but next to the steak, they provided the foil of good, rib sticking, starchy normality.  The salad was slightly sweet thanks to the orange juice soaked onions.  Also, the orange juice greatly cut the harshness of the onions down to something more quietly perky.  The walnuts, greens, dressing, and pepper were all quite crisp and cool, and allowed other areas of the tongue to play for a while.

No disrespect to Monsieur Ducasse, but I’ve taken his great French methods and, in typical American fashion, thrown out all the antiquated, whimsical, superstitious nonsense that held him back.  I’ve beaten him at his own game by violating his rules in the most extreme way, and like Bill Gates turning Mac OS (and later Linux) into Windows– it just works, and it’s infinitely superior.  Try my wild little extreme marination method before you knock it.  You’ll probably side with Ducasse out of spite because you don’t like the tone of my blog.  However, if you do, deep down you will know that you are wrong and I am right, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.


Delicious Prime Beef Dinner

On March 10, 2011, in Food Wins, by Chef Sanju

So after weeks of pestering my local Costco for prime cuts of meat, they finally get it this week, and I don’t know. I just cook this shit. So this is steak ‘n’ potatoes. Sanju Style of course. The green beans have been cooked in the jus from the steak, and then steeped in a lemon bourbon mushroom sauce. The potatoes are in a dill/mustard vodka cream sauce, cooked as a play on chowdah. PS It was good. Very good. PPS Prime beef is fuckin’ awesome!



The Dinner

I missed it as soon as I ate it.

Prime Beef


Notice the nice even browning and the lucious pink center.